i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
