Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
