What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
And then my night got REAL pukey
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
