I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
