I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
