oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
