guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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