i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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