Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
