Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
