We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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