apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
