my phone needs a breathalizer
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
