For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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