Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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