I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
