Nicole vs. Life
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
