This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
