I'm going to jail i love you
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
