If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
