I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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