Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
