The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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