we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
My Higher Power is John Stamos
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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