can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
