how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
