I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
