So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
