just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
