What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
