It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
