Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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