I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
