Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
