i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
