Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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