It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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