is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
