Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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