Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
