I showed him my bush... on skype.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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