I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
