Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
