Yo dont text me then not text me
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
