he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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