it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
no, he came in my armpit
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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