There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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