Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
