There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
