If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
