is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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