Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
